Put me back together
by nikitabella
Summary: 'Three years passed since I lost her. It still feels as if she's going to come back any minute now. And when she doesn't, it still hurts. Like a burning fire, like an open wound, her absence makes everything a little colder. I don't know if I'll ever heal. But to hope...isn't it more painful' What's the truth behind the death of Tris? Does Four really needs to forget? R
1. Chapter 1

**I'm sure that a lot of us weren't happy with the way Allegiant ended so I'm presenting a sort of a continuation. A really short one but still. Don't judge it before you've finished this first chapter please! Enjoy! **

_Tobias_

New York is way different than what we're used to. It turns out that the world isn't as damaged as we were led to believe by the Bureau. Sure, it's not as safe as life back in Chicago but there's potential for change. I can easily see it in the way people interact with each other around me.

I'm waiting for my friends to get down from the Empire state building, one of the landmarks of the city. Christina tried really hard to convince me to go with them but I refused. It's no use to try to go through an elevator-ride just to watch the city from the top of a one hundred-story building. I prefer the solid ground under my feet.

That's why I'm sitting alone in a small restaurant not far away from the said building. I try to survey my surroundings, to think of anything and everything in the same time but still, I can't escape my thoughts of wandering back to the same topic. Tris would have liked all this, the big city, the crowded streets…she would have liked the proof that the world was so much bigger than our little society with its imperfections.

I sigh and avert my eyes from the bus station that is right across the street. After three years, I still find myself thinking of her every time I'm not occupied with something important. I can't help it even when it hurts. Because after all this time, it still stings. I'm not sure if it'll ever stop though. It's true that I knew her just for a few months but…it was enough. I knew that she was different, not just because she was a divergent. She was just something…more. And I let her slip through my fingers…

''Four!'' the call brings me out of my painful thoughts and I reluctantly look up, expecting to see Christina or Shauna but no one is there. I'm still sitting alone in the corner of the restaurant.

My confusion erases every trace of my previous bad mood as I look around, trying to spot the person who called me. Only thing is that it isn't me who was called.

I notice a girl around my age waving vigorously towards the entry of the small place. She's beaming and talking before the person even reaches her. When her companion finally comes to view I see that it's another girl.

I'm surprised by the strange feeling that this sight causes in me. I want to go there and talk with this girl that I see for the first time in my life. I study her, the way she sits and gestures to her friend as I try to find out what is happening to me. She looks kind of familiar…in a way. I don't know why really, because I don't remember ever meeting her. Her features aren't anything remarkable either: black shoulder-length hair, pale skin, slim figure though athletic and from what I can tell she's at least a head shorter than me.

I'm standing up before I even have realized it. My eyes are trained to the girl's back. To her shoulders actually. Her tattooed shoulders. I'm frozen in place, not even sure if I can move but desperately wanting to. Instead, I'm just standing there, blinking and hoping that after every time I open my eyes, she will still be there. But the tattoos don't fade. Two symbols, the way they curve on the pale skin is painfully familiar for me. A circled burning flame on one shoulder and two hands clasped in the middle of another circle on the other. Dauntless and Abnegation.

The name escapes my mouth without me hearing it but I know I said it out loud. I know because a second later, she's looking back at me with wide gray-blue eyes. I'm frozen in place, taken aback by the fact that _she's right there,_ so I don't react at first when she jumps up from her seat and bolts straight for the door.

With a few seconds delay, I'm after her but it's too late. She has already disappeared in the endless crowd outside, leaving me wandering if I was hallucinating again. It wouldn't be for the first time.

It takes me a few minutes to realize that someone is calling me again. This time when I turn around I do see Christina, followed closely by Shauna, Zeke, Amar and George. They all look worried.

''Four, are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost.'' Christina asks and all I can do is look back to the way I saw her run away. I don't say anything.

''Man, are you alright? Four, what happened?'' Zeke cuts in and I feel his hand on my shoulder. I still can't really move, I'm still in shock.

''I saw her.'' I'm not sure that he hears me because when I turn to look back at him, his face still shows confusion.

''You saw her? Who is her? Four, my man, you are really not making any sense right now.''

I take a second to collect myself. My eyes dart to the corner and I find myself wishing for her to just come out of there again, just one more time so I can be sure…that I'm not going mad.

''Tris. I saw Tris.''

No one reacts at first. She doesn't come back and with every passing second I doubt what I saw even more.

''Tobias…'' that's Amar and his careful voice wakes up my annoyance.

''I know it's impossible but I also know what I saw.'' I grit my teeth.

I refuse to look at any of them. I know what I'll see and I don't want to see it. I'm not a thrown-out puppy, I don't need pity.

When the pause is too long I turn back to them. The look on Zeke's face surprises me the most. He's…doubting. But what, I don't know. He seems nervous, his eyebrows scrunched in thought. His eyes lock on mine and he sighs.

''That's strange…because I swear, I saw Uriah across the street just two minutes ago.''

I'm even more confused than before. It's one thing for me to see Tris around. After she died, I was seeing her everywhere. I thought I was going mad but with time it stopped. The doctor my mom insisted on going to said that it was normal, that this was my mind's way of dealing with her absence.

Zeke never had this problem after his brother passed away.

So for both of us to see the two people we lost three years ago…at the same place, in the same time…it was strange to say the least. Is it possible that we both hallucinated?

What the hell is going on?

* * *

_Tris_

I slump against the dirty wall behind me in exhaustion. My breathing is heavy and my legs ache but I know I can't rest for more than a few seconds. I risk a glance behind the corner and only when I'm sure that no one is following me, I relax.

I am crying before I even know it. The tears are silent and I feel my body shake but no sound escapes me. I'm too out of breath for that.

Tobias' face emerges in my mind again and I have to stop myself from running back the way I came and throwing myself in his arms. I can't do that but I want to so badly it physically hurts! For a moment, I forget my reasons and escape my hiding place. He's still there, in front of the restaurant. His back is facing me so he can't see me.

My breathing hitches as I notice the others around him. They are all here. What are they doing here? They can't be looking for us, right? No! But once the picture of Tobias' surprised face comes to my mind, I sigh in relief. He doesn't know the truth. And still, he saw me.

I manage to tear my eyes from them and quickly start to walk away. The distance between us gets bigger and with that, my pain increases but I can't turn back. I can't see them again. I'm dead and it must stay that way for their own good.

_(three years ago)_

_I'm still not strong enough but at least I'm able to walk on my own. For now, that's not necessary and I'm glad. Next to me, Caleb is looking around. He's nervous, expecting something to go wrong, someone to show up and kill us. I put my shaking hand on his bouncing knee and he startles. His eyes land on my pale skin and he relaxes a little. His warm hand covers mine and surprisingly, it brings me comfort. Just like before. _

_''You have to take care of yourself Beatrice. No one will know that you're alive and you can never come back. I know that it won't be easy but trust me, it's better like this for everyone. David…if he knows that you two survived, he'll hunt you down. Just…promise me you'll be okay. Please!'' his eyes plead with me and I nod, squeezing his hand in reassurance. _

_''Don't worry, we're the two highest-rated Dauntless in our year so we'll pull through.'' Uriah adds matter-of-factly. He looks a lot better than me even though he woke up from the drugged state we were both in after me. It probably has something to do with the fact that I was shot in the back a few times. _

_''I know but still…''_

_''We'll be careful. We are Divergent after all, we're used to this.'' My feeble attempt at joking is not appreciated by my brother._

_The voice of a woman announces the arrival of the train for New York and Caleb jumps from his seat. He and Uriah both help me stand up and walk closer to the edge of the platform._

_''When you get there, look for this address.'' He whispers urgently, looking around to make sure that no one is listening in, '' There's a sort of refuge for people from the experiment cities who want to blend in. You should be safe there but still, don't use your real names. At least you Beatrice, you are too well-know.''_

_''I'm hurt you know, am I not that important?'' Uriah fakes hurt but it's not time for jokes so he drops it quickly. ''Got it Prior. Don't be such a panic.''_

_''Hey, I'm allowed to freak out a little when at any moment someone might catch us, which will end in our very painful death, considering all the trouble you caused Tris!''_

_''Okay, okay. We're leaving now.'' I finally interrupt them and engulf Caleb in a light hug. _

_He's careful to not hurt me since my wounds are still pretty fresh._

_''I'll miss you sis.'' He mumbles, surprising me more than his rescuing mission._

_''Come to visit if you can.'' I plead even though I know that it's unlikely for him to come. This is probably the last time I see him._

_''I'll try. I…I love you.''_

_''Me too.''_

_The train has stopped by now and it's time for me and Uriah to get going. I decide that it's now or never and pull away from my brother and climb the steps with difficulty. Uriah guides me to an empty compartment and we settle just as the train starts moving again. Caleb had already left._

_I take one last glance at the horizon that is behind us. Somewhere out there, not far away, is Chicago, the only home I've ever known. Somewhere out there, the person I love the most is grieving for me. I look away. The tears fall from my eyes before I can stop them. I don't want to stop them. I want to grieve too. _

_''Everything is going to change now right?'' Uriah asks and I look up just to see him staring through the window. He's fighting his own tears but more successfully than me. _

_''It may sound selfish but I'm glad I'm not alone in this.'' I admit, wondering how this can be in comfort for him but it's still the truth. _

_''I am too. Of all people, I'm glad you are the one with me here Tris. You know how to get into trouble but you also know how to get out too. It's always good to have someone like that around.'' He winks and I'm suddenly face to face with the old Uriah, the one that didn't lost Marlene. _

_We both laugh a little before our eyes land on the fading horizon behind us. _

_For the rest of the ride, I let myself grieve. For Tobias, for Caleb, for every friend that died during these months. But most of all, I grieve for Beatrice Prior. I'll never be that girl again._

**Okay, so this is the first chapter. What do you think, should I continue? Should I leave it here? I'm not planning for it to be long, maybe eight to ten chapters at most, I don't know. Stay tuned and wait for more, I'll be updating soon! :))**


	2. Chapter 2

_Tobias_

''Look, I'm not saying that what you saw isn't real.'' Shauna tries to reason with both me and Zeke. ''But lets face the facts. You two are the only one who saw them. Can you really guarantee that your minds weren't playing tricks on you? That it wasn't their look-alikes or something?''

''I know what I saw.'' Zeke argues with a stern voice, on the brink of rage.

Shauna is in his face immediately, scowling deeply, angrily.

''You were there when they stopped the machines Ezekiel! You watched as his heart stopped beating. How can that be a lie huh?!''

''It's possible, I've seen it.'' My own voice is low and barely hearable but she does hear it. And when she does, her glare turns to me.

''And you? You saw Tris' body after…after she was gone. How could that be faked?''

I don't have the strength to fight her. Her words bring memories that I don't want to remember. Suddenly, I'm not in the restaurant. I'm alone in the morgue again. Her pale body is there too, lying on the cold metal table. I touch her skin and take in a sharp breath. It's cold, so cold that it can't belong to a living person. She's not moving; her chest isn't raising and falling with her breaths anymore. I wait for her to open her eyes, to look at me but she doesn't. She never will.

''Guys, I think she's right.'' Christina speaks slowly. She hasn't uttered a word since we met and her voice now surprises me. ''Don't get me wrong, it would have been the best thing if Tris and Uriah were alive but…it's better if we accept the truth. It hurts less than to hope.''

She's right of course. I've lived for three years with the fact that Tris is gone and I'm never getting her back. It was very bad at times; I didn't know how to continue but I managed. I live with the hole of her absence ever since then. I've learned to live with the ache. I don't want to open the wound just to leave it bleeding again. I'm not sure if I can live through it.

That's why I let them change the topic.

* * *

_Tris_

I'm trying to move as fast as I can through the crowded streets of New York. I check my watch just to see that I'm going to be late. Great. Uriah won't stop teasing me for the rest of the week, that's for sure. I quicken my pace.

But no mater how much I try, I can't escape the face that chases me. Even though I know he didn't follow me, every time I blink, he's right there. The pain written on his face is the thing that haunts me the most. I've caused this pain. And I'll never be able to erase it of him.

I feel week all of a sudden but I refuse to give up and fall to the ground. Instead, I keep going. One foot in front of the other. My trembling hands form fists and I feel edgy. I'm too nervous for comfort.

A hand on my shoulder almost causes me to elbow the person behind me but he has enough brains to talk before I can act.

''Relax, it's just me.'' Uriah's voice sounds behind me and when I turn to the side, he is already right next to me.

''We have a problem.'' We both say in the same time and when our eyes meet I see that something is wrong with him.

His usual smile isn't there anymore. He looks shaken, dare I say scared. I never thought that I would see that on his face. His eyebrows scrunch a little when he registers my own expression, which, I'm sure, it's not far away from his.

''Okay, me first.'' He ushers and shoves his hands deep in his pockets, looking ahead. ''I saw Zeke a few minutes ago…and I'm pretty sure he saw me too.''

My reaction is probably not what he expected because he's frowning at me smiling. One of his dark eyebrows shoots up and suddenly, he's frantic.

''Don't you get it? If they know about us being alive, it could cost them their lives! How can you just stand here and smile to…''

''Oh, don't think that I'm happy with this.'' I sigh because really, I'm as far away from happy as possible right now. ''I'm just appreciating the way fate screws us up this time.''

''What?'' he doesn't understand me and I'm not surprised. I'm not making sense.

''I saw Four today and I'm one-hundred percent sure he saw me…he even chased me for a while when I tried to run away.''

''Oh shit.'' Is the only thing Uriah mutters.

For the rest of the walk we don't speak, lost in thought. Because this situation needs to be thought over. And I'm sure that Uriah is not far behind with the instinct to go back and find his brother. The thing is, we can't do that.

We arrive in our destination in complete silence. The small dead-end alley is as dirty as usual but I ignore it. We reach for a door on the right but when Uriah tries to open it, it doesn't give in.

''Oh, please don't.'' he groans, grabbing the handle with both hands and shaking it. ''You just got to be fucking kidding me!''

It's safe to say that he's angry now.

''Don't abuse the poor door boy, save your energy for inside.'' A voice comes from behind us and as we turn we see a familiar smiling face.

''Sorry Dan, bad day.'' I try to apologize but he waves us off.

''Well, that's why I'm here for, right. But you're a little early so have patience and wait for me to open the door at least.''

And so we wait while he unlocks the metal door and lets the two of us enter before him. As soon as the door closes behind us, I feel better.

''I have some shitty paperwork to finish in my office so just try to not break something important. The others won't be here until around nine tonight so you have a solid two hours just for yourself. Enjoy.'' And with that Dan's large form gets lost in his office.

I and Uriah separate to get changed into something more comfortable and just after five minutes we're already fully prepared for the night. I wrap my knuckles as I do every time before we start. I'm so used to this that I don't need to pay attention what I'm doing so I let my eyes wonder.

Ever since we came here, we've been working with Dan. He's a former Dauntless who had escaped Chicago with his family right before his choosing ceremony. That happened a while ago but he's still living like a Dauntless. This place is a proof of that.

I look around the dimply-lighted room and smile to myself. It's not hard for me feel comfortable here. It's almost an exact replica of the training room I used to train so long ago while I was an initiate in Dauntless. I must admit, it's the perfect look for a fighting club. No wonder that Dan is pretty busy lately.

''You ready for some ass-beating?'' Uriah tries to relax and I smile while examining my handiwork.

We're back on a safe territory and it's easier to relax here. I look at him.

''We'll se who will beat who _Snake_.'' I tease him, using the nickname he uses when he fights, but he just rolls his eyes.

Once we're on the fighting ring, I manage to escape the images from today. I concentrate fully on the task at hand and that is defeating Uriah. Or more likely, preparing him for tonight's fights.

Every week after midnight Dan organizes fights between…whoever wants actually. Professionals and not so much. Me and Uriah participate too, he more often than me but still. It's a way to use our best skills, the one we picked up in our faction and earn some money in the same time since we don't have education to start a job.

We fall into a rhythm once we start fighting each other. We know our techniques so well that it's hardly a fight, more like dodging punches and swipes but then again no one is really trying to hurt the other. Besides, none of us is really into it.

After the third time I manage to bring Uriah down, I sigh and give up. I help him to his feet and we stand there, in the middle of the ring, motionless.

''We keep hurting them.'' He finally says. His eyes lock with mine and I see that we're on the same page here.

''If that means that they are alive…'' I shrug, my gaze falling to the floor.

''Yeah but…'' he sighs with frustration and in a swift movement, jumps down. He paces for a few moment before throwing his hands in the air. ''It's not fair! We've been hiding like cowards for three fucking years, we keep running and hurting the ones we care about…don't you think that it's about time for us to act?!''

It's not like I don't understand him because I do. I want nothing more than to go back to the life I had. I want to go to Tobias and tell him everything, tell him that I'm still alive and that he still has me even after all this time.

''Are you willing to risk them?'' I ask, my own voice rising. I see Uriah's point but sometimes, he doesn't see mine. ''Look, I want to act too. I want to just _kill_ him for doing this to all of us but Uriah, we are only so much! And David…he has the whole Bureau behind him! Do you honestly think that we can fight with _them_?''

''I'm not cowering away from this fight. I'm not showing him weakness!'' he shouts, punching the nearest punching back. The chain its hanging on rattles loudly and the bag lands with a lout thud on the ground.

''Then what are you doing here?'' I'm tired of this, tired of having to argue with Uriah of all people. He's the closest thing to family I have right now but sometimes, he's too much of a Dauntless for this. ''Why did you come here with me in the first place? Why didn't you stay and fight with everyone when you so want to?''

He doesn't answer me and I jump down from the ring too, walking towards him.

''I miss them too. God, I… I miss Tobias more than I've ever missed somebody but we _can't_ turn back time, we can't put them in risk. If David finds out by them that we're alive what do you think will happen? Clearly, we would be dead within an hour but they? They will follow us! They will die with us and I'm not letting this happen.'' No one is dying because of me anymore.

''Maybe I should have really stayed there to fight.''

Those are his last words before the front door shuts behind him. My anger vanishes quickly, just like the water drains from a leaking pot. Long after he is gone, I still hear the deafening sound of metal scraping metal when the door shut.

''Where did he go?'' Dan's voice comes from very far away.

''I don't know.'' I barely recognize my voice when I speak. When I turn to Dan, he's studying me carefully. ''I think I should leave too. I'm not sure that I'm welcomed anymore.''

''You'll always be welcomed here Four.'' He puts a hand on my shoulder when he comes closer enough but that's it.

I repeat the argument between me and Uriah in my head. My eyes shut as I give up. He is right. Maybe he should have stayed back in Chicago. But I know I did the right thing. And that's the thing that puts this thick wall between us. I pick my bag silently and make my way towards the door.

Maybe it's time for me to take care of myself. If only I could be brave again.

**Okay, so I don't know where this end came from. So no comment there from my side. You can comment all you want though so use the opportunity! **

**I'm also apologizing for not updating earlier but in my defense, I've been reading the Hex Hall series. Any fans around here? No? Eh, your loss. The books are pretty awesome but that's just my humble opinion. **

**Love you and thanks for the wonderful reviews!**

**P.S. I'm also apologizing for any spelling or Grammar mistakes but I wanted to update today and it's...wow, it's half past midnight...so I'm kind of sleepy. If you notice anything just say in a comment and I'll correct it! Thanks!**


	3. Chapter 3

_Tobias:_

Relief is one of the many emotions that are overwhelming me right now. I'm pretty sure my body is in shock too which is good. Well, not for me but for _him_, it definitely is. Because if I could move, he would have been dead by now.

A slight movement registers in my peripheral vision and my eyes shift to Amar, who is standing across from me, in my line of sight. He is ready to jump out of his seat in any second, that's easy to see. He is prepared to stop me and I curse again in my mind. He is strong but I can take him. We will gain the whole café's attention which means that _he _will have enough time to escape.

''Calm down Four.'' Amar's voice reaches me but I try my best to ignore it. It's not hard, my mind is already preoccupied.

I'm probably not going insane which is why I'm relieved. Something really is happening here. It's not only in my mind. Holy hell, Zeke was completely right too. I wish he was here with me and not Amar. If Zeke was the one standing opposite me, we would have already gotten a move on.

''We need to think of something, we need to formulate a plan.'' My former instructor insists and I hate how right his words sound. ''All I'm asking from you is to wait a little more. If we try to stay unnoticed and follow them for example, we can learn more. They can lead us to her, Four!''

But before he can continue, I glare at him in warning. I don't want to go there. I don't want to think about her right now. I choose to focus on my burning hatred so I turn my gaze back to Caleb Prior, seated five tables away from us with Uriah. The little traitor is nervous, that much is obvious. Uriah on the other hand looks exasperated and annoyed. They are not fighting though. If they were, I would have heard them. The distance isn't too big though the place is almost full.

Suddenly, Caleb's whole face ashens and he turns fully towards Uriah. His eyes are big as Uriah shrugs nonchalantly and throws back his head to finish his beer. At Prior's next remark, he laughs and they stand up. Uriah pats him on the back. He stumbles a little from the force of the blow but quickly steadies himself. They head for the exit and I duck my head in hope that they won't see me. They don't.

''Come on.'' I manage to say through my clenched teeth.

Amar follows me, whether because he heard me, or because he repeats my movements as I make my way out of the café, I don't know. I can't bring myself to care either. We're just a few feet behind them and if I strain my ears, I'm able to pick up on their conversation despite the noises around us. I try not to loose them as we follow them through the streets of New York. It's already dark, probably around ten or eleven in the evening but I'm not letting any of them get away. Not this time.

''It must be your little Erudite brain that's causing you to worry so much. But don't forget that we're Dauntless. We're supposed to live like this. And Tris is big enough to look after herself.'' Uriah says and I feel my heart clenching at the mentioning of her name. I try to ignore it. There's time and place for everything.

''No, it's my common sense! You can't act as if you are invincible!'' Caleb scolds him but Uriah waves him off almost immediately.

''Why, because we have something to loose?! Please.'' it's a clear accusation and Caleb flinches a little.

I have to admit it to him though, he doesn't give up. His steps are purposeful. He is determined, something I wouldn't have thought him to be.

''You have a lot to loose.'' He almost hisses. ''Your lives for example. Isn't it enough?''

''Fuck life.'' Uriah mutters, steps quickening.

They continue walking in silence and I follow. I'm vaguely aware that Amar is still beside me but that's not important right now. There's an ache in my body that I need to stop. I know only one way and these two are leading me. I can't loose focus.

Around fifteen minutes later we are there. I don't know what I expected but it wasn't this. Deep down though, I'm not really surprised. After all, both of them are trained Dauntless. A fighting club is the most appropriate place for them if they want to fit in. I know I would have started in one if I was in their shoes.

''Surprise, surprise. A born Dauntless in a fighting club.'' Amar comments while we look around.

I hum in agreement. I'm not really listening to him. I'm too busy scanning the gathered crowd for familiar faces. Actually, I search for only one familiar face but of course, she's not here.

''Okay ladies and gentlemen.'' A voice sounds around the place.

We turn towards the centre of the room to see a guy not much older than me, perched on the edge of a fighting ring. The mob of people that is crowding the place quiets down a little and like that, all attention is drawn.

''All the betting finishes in exactly ten minutes so if someone wants to put their money for one of our guys tonight please hurry up and come to me.'' A few guys approach him and he jumps down.

''Haven't seen you around before. Are you new?'' someone calls behind us and we both turn in time to notice a man around his early thirties standing right behind us. His eyes are narrowed, he looks suspicious. I don't know if it's better for us to lie or to tell the truth.

''A friend of ours recommended the place and we decided to give it a try tonight.'' Amar shrugs with a smile and nods towards the fighting area. ''Is it gonna be a good fight tonight?''

He eyes us with the same incredulous look for a while before his stance wavers a little and he grins too.

''You're lucky. It's going to be entertaining…if one of them doesn't fall in the first five minutes. My name's Dan by the way, owner of the place.''

I narrow my eyes at him. An idea forms in my head and I turn to him more eagerly.

''Than maybe you know our friend, Uriah?'' his smile fades at the mentioning of the name. He knows him. My blood starts flowing faster in my veins. ''Or maybe you know his friend, Tris.''

''Enjoy the show boys.'' Dan says with cold voice, his jaw tense and quickly leaves us alone.

''He knows something.'' I manage to grit out. My anger is getting the best of me and for the first time in so long, all I want is to just punch something…or someone.

''I don't think that pushing him was the best tactic though.'' Amar scolds me and I hate that I feel like an initiate again. ''Look, just look around and keep your eyes open. Scan the crowd for them too. They are here somewhere.''

I nod reluctantly. There's not much we can actually do but standing here and waiting…that's something I can't do. So we separate and start slowly moving around, circling the room. It doesn't take me much time to locate Caleb. Once I do, I make sure he doesn't escape before I've reached him. He doesn't notice me until it's too late. My hand clasps his shoulder from behind and I suppress the urge to squeeze some more and break his bones.

''I think we need to talk.''

He freezes in his place like a cornered animal but I don't care. He can't do anything to escape me right now. He's an Erudite; he should be smart enough to not try to run. After all, his previous attempts to escape me should be enough to prove that he's not capable of doing so.

We're both distracted by the start of the fight not ten feet away from us. My eyes widen when I notice Uriah on the ring, ready to strike. Huh, this is going to be an interesting reunion.

* * *

I feel…numb actually. I don't feel anything by now. It was all there a few minutes ago, the anger, the confusion and the hurt but now…I don't know what to feel. As me and Amar sit in a small stuffed office above the fighting club and Caleb tries to explain everything, I find myself listening like someone who isn't involve in all of this. Like a fly on the wall. I'm able to register one thought in my mind though.

Tris is alive.

She's been alive all this time.

She's been alive and she never called me.

I've been tricked to grieve for someone that isn't really dead. Again.

But somehow, this time it really hurts. More than the time I realized Amar was alive. More than the time when I saw Evelyn for the first time in years. The betrayal and hurt transform in a boiling hot anger inside me and suddenly, I'm not sure if I want to go and find her or run away and forget everything about her.

Caleb's last words bring me back to reality.

''They had to leave quick, before David could know that both of them had survived after…''

''David forgot everything after the memory, as did the rest of the Bureau.'' My voice is cold and hard as I try to contain some of my anger and stop myself from beating the damn kid to a pulp.

''That's what he wanted you to think.'' Caleb argues. ''Do you really believe that he wouldn't have protected himself from the serum when there was a possibility for it to ever be released in the Bureau? He's not that stupid.''

''He didn't know what was our aim. He thought we wanted to steal the death serum.'' Amar kicks in, confused.

''So?'' Caleb's eyes are wide and for a second, I see Tris in him. She had that same bright-eyed look every time she discovered something. The thrill of having new information. ''He didn't know when but he knew there was a possibility for the memory serum to leak out. My guess is that he was injecting himself with the antidote regularly and when Tris finally released the serum, he just pretended to have forgotten everything.''

I hate how logical this sounds. I hate how much sense this is making. But most of all, I hate that I learn about this after all this time. It stings more than I could have expected, knowing that she didn't trust me. I can't believe she trusted Caleb and not me.

''And you were the first to turn to huh?'' my voice is bitter, barely recognizable.

''It happened fast.'' He tries to reason with me, the little bug. ''I saw an opportunity and used it. After that, they had to get away as soon as possible, as quietly as possible.'' He's silent and I'm about to snap at him when his voice sounds lower, like he's confessing some secret. ''I owe her. I'll always owe her for what she did for me. That was the least I could do.''

My face scrunches in disgust. So that's what all comes down to, who owes who. I swallow bile. I'm reminded of Peter and it's not helping right now. At all.

''Really? Are you using that tactic now?'' I say venomously, finally raising my head to send Caleb my nastiest glare.

''Four…Tobias...'' Amar's voice is careful, warning but I ignore him.

''An eye for an eye, eh?'' I feel the smile on my face but I don't feel happy at all. I want to rip him apart, limb by fucking limb. ''Why am I even surprised that you act like Peter at all? You are the same parasite as him.''

My words linger in the silence. I glare down at Caleb, waiting for him to respond. I'm on my feat, ready for a fight. One word from him, anything, and I'll explode. I can feel the rage burning inside of me, building up to a breaking point. I'm tired of sitting around and listening to him.

Amar is standing up next to me, as is Uriah. Only Caleb remains seated, his hands balled in fists on the table as he gazes at them.

''I am not innocent. A lot of things had happened because of me. But Beatrice…I never wanted to see her dead.'' His head lifts and I'm met with his green eyes, full of determination. ''No matter what you think of me, she is and will always be my sister.''

His words only anger me more. My hands itch to punch his lights out but I don't. I want to yell at him that he lost the privilege to be part of her family long ago but I don't. I am rooted to the floor. My teeth are so tightly clenched together that my jaw hurts.

''Okay, let's calm down a little. Let's…let's call Tris and meet her here. We have a lot of things to talk about, right?'' Uriah steps in between us and my glare turns to him. I don't say anything, neither does Amar, who is clutching my upper arm, restraining me. Uriah pulls a cell phone from his pocket and quickly dials a number.

The room is silent for a few seconds, so silent that I hear the sound, indicating that the line is free. One…two…three signals.

Uriah's brows furrow and he retreats his phone to look at the screen quizzically.

''What the…'' he mutters distractedly, dialing the number again. This time it doesn't even ring. ''Damn it Tris!''

''What?'' Caleb is up of his chair.

''She's blown me off.''

''Why?'' I hiss through my teeth, trying to control my anger.

''We had kind of a fight today…'' he shakes his head distractedly, trying to contact her.

''Do you know where she could have gone?'' Amar asks and I feel his grip on me lighten.

Uriah looks at the clock above the door of the room and nods timidly.

''Come on, it's probably going to start in a few minutes.'' And without further explanaition, he grabs his jacket and heads for the exit.

''What is going to start?'' Caleb asks carefully, following him.

Uriah turns back to us and I'm surprised by his grin. He looks excited for some reason, making me even more unsettled than before.

''Street racing.''

**Okay, I'm late again, I know. Sorry. I hope that the chapter will make up for it though. Review and let me know! Thanks for your support guys, it means a lot! Love you!**


	4. Chapter 4

_Tris_

It's nearly midnight when I reach my destination. I check my phone out of habit, to be sure that I'm at the right place. Just as I'm about to return it back to my pocket it vibrates. I glance again to see the caller's ID. Uriah.

I frown and click the 'end' button. I'm not in the mood for more fights so I switch off my phone before tucking it away. I want to just…forget about everything for a while. I need a rush. That's why I'm here actually. Which leads to another question, where the heck Riley and Jen were.

''Hey Four!'' someone calls from a distance. I'm used to people calling me that so I don't hesitate when I look up to notice them walking towards me as casual as ever.

Riley has one hand over Jen's shoulders, his face split by a confident grin, his trade mark. His blond hair is longish, falling in his almost honey-brown eyes. He looks like usual, always up to no good. Next to him, Jen is giggling like a schoolgirl (despite them both being twenty-five). Her long brown hair is pulled into a high ponytail and every time she looks up at him, her sea-green eyes shine with love.

I avert my eyes from them quickly. It's almost too painful to watch them, so in love and together when I'm alone. And seeing Tobias today doesn't help at all. It was as if I was leaving him, like it happened three years ago. I shake my head.

''Hey guys, what took you so long?'' I ask with a smile, trying to distract myself.

''I thought you were fighting with The Snake tonight so we weren't in a rush. What happened?''

''Not much. Did they start?'' I try to change the subject. I don't want to talk about my problems right now. I want to forget them.

Luckily, Riley's attention is easily averted. His eyes widen a little in excitement as we start walking towards the faint noises.

''Of course not. When I told the band that you were coming for a race tonight, they all agreed to wait you up. They are doing some warming up though. It's been a while since you last came.'' He nudged me in the shoulder and I almost laugh.

''I hope that my baby is in good shape.'' I glance at him expectantly and he puts the hand that's not on Jen on his heart in mock hurt.

''I thought we were friends Four! Don't you trust my abilities?''

We all laugh and we fall in a comfortable conversation about different things. It really has been a while since the last time I heard from either of them. I find myself relaxing a little. I guess I missed this, having a normal conversation that didn't include anything from my past. It makes me feel normal.

A few minutes later our conversation dies down because of the noises around us. We've arrived and it's packed with people everywhere. Thank god that it's Riley who easily towers over most of the crowd. He's a well-known face in these sorts of gatherings and most of the people part to make us way. We reach the center of the gathered crowd in no time and I grin despite myself. There's my answer.

I pull my shoulder-long hair into a ponytail to keep it out of my eyes. My fingers brush the tattoo at the base of my neck that is now visible for everyone. **4**. I trace the lines, wondering if he still thinks of me as much as I think of him. I feel my hand growing cold and I let it drop. There's no use in dwelling on the past. If anything, it only hurts more in the end of the day. And after a day like the one I'm having, I'm not sure how much more I can take. So I let it go.

My name is being called and I place a somewhat confident smile on my lips while striding to my car. Finally, we're starting. I try to not look too eager, to stay cool and professional as much as I can't but it's hard. I don't care about the people that had gathered around me just to watch and cheer. I don't care how much money I'm going to gain if I win. I don't even notice who the competition is tonight. All I care about is the car, the road and the pumping adrenaline that starts to flow through my whole body, waking it up.

I take my sit behind the wheel with a sigh. It's been too long since I last raced. I find out that I missed it more than I thought. I rev the engine and the crowd cheers. My eyes spot the girl that gives the start to every race. She's in place, ready to give us the signal. My fingers flex on the wheel as I try to be patient. As always, the organizer of the event is speaking but I don't need to listen anymore. The words are the same every single time and after my third race, I've already remembered them. I stare at the girl's hand, waiting for it to go down. I'm more than ready to start.

And then we do. The girl gives us the signal, as if bowing to us, and my foot presses the gas pedal to the bottom. The car lurches forward with a screech of the tires and I smile wider. The rev of the engine is the only thing I hear. My only thought is reaching the finish line before everyone else. That's my biggest concern right now.

The race is over way too soon for my liking but as I exit the car, I laugh. The adrenaline is pumping in my veins. I feel alive and excited and maybe, just maybe a little happy.

Suddenly, someone grabs me from behind and lifts me off my feet. I panic and am ready to start clawing at the hands that are holding me when I hear a familiar voice.

''That's my girl!'' Riley hollers over the noise in my ear. I relax immediately, even laughing as he spins me around before dropping me back to the ground. ''You blew the fucker off!''

His amber eyes dart to something behind me and his previously boyishly mischievous expression changes to an arrogant one. I follow his glare and notice my opponent, a slender tall man in his twenties. It's easy to notice how angry he is. His eyes are narrowed as he gazes at me. An involuntary shiver runs down my spine. I try to suppress the fear that is creeping inside me.

''Four, some people are here to see you.'' Jen's voice breaks my reverie. I spin around to face her all too eagerly and almost fall to the ground. Riley catches me by the waist immediately, chuckling slightly. His hands slip away from me as soon as I'm steady which I'm thankful for. I'm about to say that to him but when I look up the words get caught in my throat.

''Hey Tris…I think we need to talk.'' Uriah looks sheepish if nothing else but that's not what surprises me most. He's not alone and the stares I get from his companions make me want to cringle and hide somewhere. They are all here.

A sigh escapes my lungs and I glance around.

''This is hardly the place for a conversation.'' I avert my eyes, trying to look anywhere but in Tobias' piercing ones. I can't stand to see the hurt and betrayal in them. Especially when I know I deserve it all.

''Tris? Is that your real name? Hm…kind of suits you now that I think of.'' Riley grins at me, winking at Jen secretly.

I stiffen and my eyes turn to glare at Uriah. He knows better than to tell off my name, he knows how dangerous that might be for both of us.

''We really need to talk. Right now.'' Tobias' voice is cold, lacking any emotion. Some part of me smiles secretly. After all this time, he still hasn't changed that much. I find it reassuring, that some things don't change. And at the same time, I almost cringle away. Guilt swims in me and I sigh with defeat.

''Follow me.'' I say simply before turning around and walk away from the crowd.

Not long after that, we reach a deserted old building, a storage house from what I can tell. It's enormous and old, bathed in the moonlight as the only source of light around. It looks creepy but it's most likely safe to talk into.

The metallic doors are almost five times higher than me. A big heavy padlock connects the two sides of the doors. It would have been a very good security measure for intruders if the hinges on the left side weren't disconnected from the wall. The hole was big enough for her to squeeze in but Tobias had to push it a little wider to manage to climb through. For my surprise, no one entered after him. They had given us space to talk. I don't think it was such a good idea.

We stay in silence for a few minutes. I'm not sure if he's expecting me to start talking or if he's trying to find the right words to start talking himself. I'd prefer the latter. I don't know what to say to him.

What am I supposed to say? Sorry for abandoning you? For running away from you like a coward? It won't be enough. I have the feeling that no matter what I say it'll never be enough. The pain that follows this realization stabs directly in my chest and I lower my eyes so he won't see the traitorous tears that are forming there. I won't cry.

''After everything we've been through…'' he starts with strained voice and I cringle again, hearing the pain he is trying so desperately to hide. ''…everything I've done for you…''I see his head shaking with my peripheral vision and then he does something that takes me off guard completely. His humorless laugh resounds in the enormous place. ''You trust you traitor of a brother more than me? You trust him with your life and you didn't even bother to tell me that you are alive?''

He waits for me to answer but I can't. What can I say?

* * *

_Tobias_

She's silent. I wait for her to speak, torn inside between the delight of seeing her again, of being so close to her again and the anger and betrayal that I feel. I don't dare to talk again because that would mean screaming at her. I'm not sure if I want to. My hands go to my hair and I step away from her.

I haven't been more confused in my life before. I've been tricked into grieving for someone that is not really dead twice before. First with Evelyn and then with Amar. But this…this hurts more than then. Somehow, it hurts more that everything that ever hurt before. I trusted her…of all people I trusted _her_ to not hurt me like that. And she did. She keeps doing it.

Anger. Hurt. Betreyal. It seems that these are the only emotions left in me right now.

''I couldn't call you. No one could know that I survived…''she starts with a strangely detached voice but I hurry to shut her up.

''I've heard the story from Caleb.'' I don't look at her, I can't. I don't want to do something that I'll definitely regret later.

''Then you know why I had to hide. It was the best I could do…''

''For who Tris?'' I raise my voice in exasperation and our finally lock. I'm startled by the familiar look in her pale blue eyes. They seem sharper in the dim light, glowing in the dark. ''Definitely not for me or Zeke now that we're at it. I would have fought for you. I would have run away with you if you had only given me the chance to be a part of all this.''

She shakes her head, her brows scrunched.

''It happened too fast. Caleb acted fast…I hadn't healed before we came here. I couldn't…''

''I don't believe that. If you wanted you could have come to me. But you didn't.''

''Please don't…I never wanted to hurt you, I just…''

''But you did. And now there's no turning back.'' I sigh in frustration and walk a little away from her. The urge to hit something is starting to get unbearable but there's nothing to hit around. My fist connects with the metal door and the sound resonates in the place sharply. Why did I even agree to this stupid trip? I wish I had never come.

A sharp intake of breath made me whirl around and face Tris again. I blink and it's like I see her for the first time. Her face is contorted in pain. Her head is downcast, staring at her fists that are balled to white at her sides. It's then when I realize that I had probably said the last things out loud.

When she looks up at my face again, all her vulnerability was gone. Her face was cold and pale. She looked like a ghost, all colored in black and white. She looked like the Tris he knew. Strong, proud and independent. Unstoppable.

Uncontrollable.

''Then what are you still doing here?'' her voice was steel hard and made him wince. ''If you so regret coming here…seeing me then for the love of God, go! Leave!''

She doesn't wait for me to say anything (not that I was able to) but strides right past me and towards the door.

''Tris wait, I…''

Her icy glare stops me in my tracks, trying to reach her.

''How stupid of me to think that you'd actually…miss me. It's better if you just go back to your life and let me live mine.''

She exits before I can even open my mouth.

* * *

_Outside_

Tris Prior exits the storage house alone. She doesn't notice the dark shape, looming in the shadows. It's stalking her clumsily and when it knocks into some garbage cans, she whirls around, suddenly alert.

Her eyes are full of unshed tears as she narrows them towards the dark. She notices the shape of a person there. But it's too late. A single cry escapes her mouth before he lunges forward and knocks her out cold. Her body crumbles to the ground, unconscious.

**Okay, I know I'm way too late to be reasonable but I'm here now! I hope you liked the chapter. Share your opinion please, leave a review! Love you guys for all the support you're giving me!**

**P.S. My only distraction these days were the first three TMI books. I'm taking a break after City of Glass to catch up with my writing before I start university in three weeks. I already have some writing ideas there too. Gods, it's too crowded in my head right now!**


	5. Chapter 5

_Tris_

My head throbs painfully but I try to ignore it. I open my eyes and realize that it doesn't really make any difference. The place I'm in is too dark. A groan escapes my mouth when I sit up. My back hits something cold and smooth and I immediately turn and press my palm against it. I knock on it and the sound echoes faintly. Glass.

Something in my mind stirs but I push it down. My sweaty palm traces the glass and comes to a corner where it makes a ninety-degree turn. Then again: smooth surface under my palm and another angle. Four in total. A closed space, not very big either.

A bright light shines from above me and I instinctively look up just to shut my eyes tightly, blinded by the fluorescent light. I blink rapidly, my eyes fixed on the glass floor under me.

''Welcome Miss Prior.'' A male voice says and I immediately look up.

A man is standing on the other side of the glass. I don't know him, I'm sure of that but apparently, he knows me. His lips are formed in a smirk, his hands are crossed on his chest. He is pleased with himself which makes me want to shudder but I suppress it.

''What is this? Who are you?'' I ask. I'm glad to notice that my voice is not shaking though it's a little higher than normal.

The guy starts circling my prison as if I'm some caged wild animal that he hadn't seen before. I follow his movements, rising on my shaky feet. His dark eyes gleam in the bright light.

''I'm just a messenger. One of the many send to find you Beatrice Prior.'' He stops and spreads his hands as if to hug me. ''And this is your demise!''

My blood freezes. I look around and for the first time, I realize how familiar the scene is. I've seen all this before. I've been in this place before. The glass box, the big tube that is connected to it…it's exactly as I remember it from my fear landscape. My heart leaps up in my throat and I feel panic rising in me.

''I'm sure you're smart enough to figure out the situation correctly. After all, you've been here before.''

I don't say anything. My mind works hard to find an escape but it seems impossible. I knock on the glass again and my face pales as I realize that it's really thick. Too thick to be broken. I raise my eyes just to realize that the guy had stopped right in front of me.

''So to make it a little more interesting, I've made a difference. Let's see exactly how powerful you are without your divergence. Because simulations are easy to control but try doing so in the real life.''

At this moment waters starts pouring in from the tube. My shoes are soaked in seconds. A thud sounds from above me and I look up. The ceiling of the box has been put in place. There's no going out of it now. The water rises fast and is soon up to my waist.

''By the way Beatrice, David says hi.'' The light goes out and I'm left alone. Alone to die.

_Tobias_

I'm unable to move from my spot. Her words repeat in my mind and after every time, I regret them even more. All the anger I was feeling just mere seconds ago has vanished.

She was here. She was in arm's reach. Tris, breathing, moving, living Tris was right in front of me, close enough for me to touch her. And I pushed her away. I yelled at her. I hurt her. I find out that she's alive after all this time and I yell at her?

That's not what I wanted to do, what I want to do just now. Not at all. A curse escapes my mouth and before I know it, my feet are carrying me out of the building and in the chilly night. The street is empty which is a little surprising. She can't be much ahead of me. I head back to the crowd at the race. Surely, I will find her there.

But I don't. She's nowhere to be found and I can't stop the uneasy feeling that settles in my chest.

''Four, calm down. I'm sure she's somewhere around here.'' Amar claps a hand on my shoulder, to reassure me probably but it does nothing to calm me down.

My eyes scan the mass again and again but to no avail.

''Don't sweat it, when she's angry or upset she does that. She'll come back…'' Uriah starts but is soon interrupted by his phone ringing. He pulls it out of his pocket with a grunt and a second later grins at the screen. ''See what I tell you?'' he exclaims and picks up. ''Tris, where the hell are you? We've been…''

His face changes in a mater of nanoseconds. His smile vanishes and his face pales visibly. He's silent for a long time and I suppress the urge to rip the phone out of his grip. I have to be patient.

''Where?'' Uriah finally grits out and it's then when I notice his free hand, balled into a tight fist.

His expression is hard and I immediately stiffen myself. Something is effinitely wrong.

''Fucker, if you hurt her…'' but he doesn't finish. He pulls the phone away from his ear and stares at it, clearly trying to control his anger.

''Uriah? What's wrong? Where's Tris?'' Caleb asks. His fear is easily detectable in his voice but I don't care. I wait for Uriah to finally start talking.

He doesn't speak. He starts pacing, like a caged animal, ready to rip someone's throat just because he can't escape in any other way. It makes me stand on edge, something I haven't felt in too long. It's something I don't want to feel again. Lack of control. Fear.

''They found us. Fuck…they've caught her!'' he finally admits, his eyes wild as he stares at Caleb.

''W-what?'' Tris' brother stutters. He steps back a few feet, his hands in his hair. He's at a loss.

''What did they tell you exactly?'' Amar asks. He's the most composed and concentrated from all of us. I recognize the voice he uses. His instructor's voice.

''I didn't recognize the speaker. He told me to meet him somewhere…it's not far from here actually. I think it's an old storage building not far from here…''

''Let's go.'' I hear my own voice say. Rage is burning deep inside my chest, destroying the fear I had felt earlier. We've been separated before. I'm not letting that happen again. Not now, not ever.

''He told me to go alone or she dies.''

For my surprise, Caleb is the one who speaks up first.

''They won't let either of you live through this. She may be already…'' he shakes his head and I ball my hands into fists.

The image that has been haunting me for so many years is back again. I see her small body on that table again. Pale and cold. Not moving. Not breathing. I grit my teeth. That's not true. She's alive. She has to be!

''She's alive. They can't take her down so easily. We have to go now.'' My voice is tight and Uriah's eyes meet mine.

''Follow me.'' He says and we start moving.

…

It feels like we've run forever when we reach the big building, similar to the one we talked in earlier. The place is dark and deadly quiet. Uriah is the first to enter through the wide open doors.

''Come out pansycake and face me! I'm not scared of you!'' he calls.

His hand is behind his back and I can see the handle of a gun in his palm. I haven't realized that he had come here prepared. I myself had stopped using a gun long time ago. I'm not used to carrying any kind of weapons around anymore. It's the first time in three years when I regret it.

No one answers him. The silence is almost deafening. I'm sure that my ears are buzzing but then I hear it. Footsteps. Someone is running away. A shadow passes the exit and I grit my teeth.

Uriah had seen him before me. He's already by the door and out of it in a second, gun aimed at the retreating form. I'm about to follow him when a bright light shines up from the ceiling, creating a circle of light in the middle of the room. My blood freezes and I change directions as soon as I see what is cast in light.

I don't stop until my open palms come in contact with the cold glass. A water tank. I feel sick; my face is probably as white as a sheet. The setting is awfully familiar but this time, it makes me shiver. The water tank is full to the brim. There is no air left.

My eyes meet Tris'. The look she gives me is one of pure horror. Her fists jam in the glass one more time but it doesn't move. It's not a simulation that she can control. This is reality and she's about to die in front of my eyes.

I jam my own fist in the glass with all the strength I have. Nothing. I step away then lunge myself but to no avail. It doesn't move. I don't stop hitting; I can't give up on her.

After just a few seconds my whole body is numb with pain. My palm rests on the glass as I try to think of something…_anything_ to help her but nothing comes. I look back at Tris. Her lips are turning blue from the lack of oxygen. She can't hold her breath forever and we both know it. My heart constricts.

''Don't give up!'' I tell her. I don't know if she can understand me but she shakes her head. Her palm comes to rest over mine and just for a second, I think I feel her through the thick glass.

My breath catches in my throat when her eyes flutter and after a second, her chest constricts. Her mouth opens and a scream fills my ears.

''Damn it, step back Tobias!''

Someone pulls at me hard and suddenly, Uriah is in front of me. His gun is aimed at the glass, bellow Tris' feet. I don't hear the ring of the shot but I see the glass shattering. The water splutters out through the now missing wall of the tank and I jam my fist in the person behind me that is holding me back.

Tris lies on the shards of the glass, her body not moving. I pick her up without thinking and put her upper body to lie on my knees.

''Tris, come on!''

She doesn't respond.

''Put her on the ground, her head turned to the side.'' A voice reaches me and I see a pair of hands tugging her out of my grasp. I'm met with green eyes. Caleb. ''Now Four, snap out of it and help me save her!''

I put her gently back on the ground and tilt her head towards me. Caleb starts jamming his hands on her chest rhythmically. At first nothing happens but then water comes out of her mouth and Tris coughs violently. Her eyes flutter open and I follow Caleb's example, who helps her to sit up.

My breathing comes out more evenly after she stops spluttering water. I push her wet hair behind her ear with shaky fingers. I wish I did it to help her breathe easily but the truth is that I want to see her face. My fingers brush her neck but I don't look away from her face.

''You're okay, calm down. You're safe now.'' I whisper to her but it does nothing to calm her. Her breathing is still shallow and uneven, too quick for comfort. She's having a panic attack. ''You have to hold your breath, can you do that for me? Tris?''

She shakes her head in denial. A plan forms in my mind.

_Tris_

I can't stop hyperventilating. I hear Tobias' words but I just can't do it. With the feeling of drowning fresh in my mind, I can't force myself to hold my breath. I'm so wet that I feel like I'm drowning all over again. The hopelessness from before hits me like a tidal wave and I shut my eyes tight.

I feel cold firm hands on my cheeks. I open my eyes in a flash and am met with dark blue ones. The familiarity of Tobias' eyes makes me whimper. In a flash, his lips are on mine, stopping me from breathing.

He doesn't move and neither do I. Suddenly, all that I can register around me is this. Us. It's familiar, so painfully familiar that I shut my eyes and try to hold the feeling of comfort that washes over me. I feel the panic leaving me little by little. Tobias doesn't move until I pull away to breath. I find that I can breathe normally again.

''Tobias.'' My voice is hoarse and my throat constricts in pain. I can't say anything more.

''It's okay now.'' He says, pulling me in his lap and I sigh. I don't know if he's shaking, or if that's only me, but no one cares. His embrace is warm and for the first time in so long I feel safe.

Uriah is the first to speak up. His voice alone is enough to bring me back to reality.

''I hate to break the moment guys but we need to move. Now.''

**Okay, I'm too late to deserve any forgiveness but the chapter is here. I hope you like it! Only one left to go, maybe two if I decide to do a sort of epilogue. What do you think? Please review! Love you guys!**


	6. Chapter 6

_Tris_

I ball my hands in fists under the table. The shaking is barely noticeable but it hasn't stopped since we arrived. I close my eyes in exasperation and try to listen to Uriah's explanations on the events. I know I must pay attention, now more than ever because this is a breaking point for us. David has finally found us and we need to move fast. But I can't bring myself to concentrate. Even though I'm dry and changed into new clothes, I can't shake off the feeling of drowning. I feel the pressure of the water on me, making me weak, causing my chest to hurt…

My eyes fly open as I gasp for air. It's not real. It's over now. I keep repeating this as a mantra but it's not working. I'm standing up before I know what's happening and run out of the room. I need space, it's too closed here, in the small living room of mine and Uriah's shared apartment.

I push the door of the narrow balcony open wide. It bangs in the wall but I don't care. The only thing I care about is the air, the cool night air that is filling my lungs, reassuring me. I move forwards until I reach the railing and grip it tight. The people on the street are like ants from here but I don't mind the height. It's almost as if I'm above all this. Up so high, I find it easy to pretend that I'm free from the trouble of the living. It's so easy to just let my problems go.

''Tris?'' his voice startles me and I immediately turn around.

I don't realize that I am prepared for a fight until I see him and feel my body relaxing. It's been a long time since someone besides Uriah used that name with me and it sends me on edge instinctively. I've learned to associate this name with trouble.

But somehow, coming from Tobias' mouth…it sounds like home.

I then realize that he is waiting for me to say something, to reply in some way. I take my time looking at him, studying his seemingly casual pose: leaning on the door frame with his hands crossed across his chest. His eyes don't leave me and I ask myself if it's because he had missed me or because if he looks away he will have to face one of his fears. The memory of the way he kissed me a few hours ago, after they saved me comes unbidden in my mind and I feel my cheeks heating. I lean back on the railing without looking away from him.

''I'm fine. I just needed a breath of fresh air, that's all.'' I reply finally.

He tilts his head to the side a little, his eyes narrowed. He'd always known if I was lying to him. I wait in painful anticipation for his accusatory eyes again. I wait for the same disappointed look he had earlier, for the anger of betrayal. For the rejection. I know I deserve all of it.

I'm beyond surprised to hear none of this in his voice when he speaks.

''It's normal to panic when you're faced with your fears like that.'' He starts in that instructor-Four voice that I remember from my initiation. ''Others in your place wouldn't have been able to fight because of the terror. But you did. I don't know why I'm even surprised.''

''You told it yourself once that fear wakes me up instead of shutting me down. I don't know why but I just…'' I sigh with frustration, unable to put my thoughts in words. I turn back towards the night city. ''I hate feeling helpless.''

''You are far from helpless Tris.''

I snort at his answer. It's not true. If anything, I've become just that: powerless, helpless and useless. Afraid. I'm not the same person. This part of me resembles more the little Abnegation girl from four years ago. I hate it but it's yet another thing that I can't do anything about. I'm not Tris the Divergent anymore. I'm Beatrice again. I shake my head in distaste.

''I couldn't close the door to the bathroom while I was showering earlier.'' I admit like it's some dirty secret, like it's something illegal and unheard of.

''I never close it too. I can't, the space is too narrow for comfort.'' He says as if this is a normal conversation.

I don't say anything, I can't think of anything to say to him right now. How to explain the person that loved me because of my bravery that I'm not brave anymore? How to explain to him that the Tris that entered Dauntless isn't here anymore?

He sighs and then I feel his hands on my shoulders. The touch sends shivers down my spine and I try to suppress them. I can't get lost in the feeling, not now, not yet. I lift my head and our eyes lock. I want so desperately to be sure in us the way I was three years ago. But I don't know how. I don't know if I have the right to.

He shakes me gently, effectively bringing me out of my reverie.

''Don't. Please Tris, just don't.''

I'm startled by the sudden anger that I can see hidden in his eyes. What does that mean?

''Don't what?''

''I've seen this look before, do you know when? Before you went to Janine, offering her your life. Don't do it again. Just trust me, okay? Damn it Tris, don't give up on us! I lost you once and to hell if I let something or someone separates us again!''

His grip on my shoulders is tight and I can see the desperation in his eyes. I feel the sting of tears in my eyes as I stare blankly at him. I've thought of him a lot, imagined what it will be if we ever meet again. I hoped but I never let myself believe that it can be. And yet, here he is, holding me tight as if I'm his lifeline, _begging me_ to be with him again. Suddenly, it's too much.

I throw myself at him and he catches me immediately. My hands are around his neck and his strong arms circle my waist without hesitation. I burry my head in his neck and his smell invades my senses and swallows me completely. Finally, _finally_, I feel my body relax against him. I let it. I let him console me like he did before. Like he had always done.

I always knew I missed him but I never realized how bad it was until he was with me again. It's like I've been frozen and he warmed me up again, bringing me back to life. I want nothing more than to never let that feeling go, never let _him_ go again.

I feel his hand on my neck and he tilts my head back so I can look at him. He doesn't say anything but I don't need his words to know what he wants. What he needs. So I step on my toes while he reaches down and we meet halfway in a heated kiss. There's nothing careful or gentle in this one, not like the one we shared before. He's demanding and begging at the same time, wanting and promising in the same time. There's nothing more than me and him here, in this moment right now.

Everything else is not important for now. It can wait.

* * *

_Epilogue_

I'm not really surprised that Tobias had picked up this particular apartment. I would have done the same if I was him. A new life in a new part of the city, not marred with memories and nightmares. And it's not too high up, like the Hancock building where most of the former Dauntless are staying.

I look around, trying to take it all in. Somehow, it reminds me of the place he had back in Dauntless headquarters. It's not decorated with anything out of the ordinary except the saying that I'm so familiar with. _Fear God Alone._ I smile secretly to myself. It's good to know that some things never change.

I feel him standing behind me and my smile widens. Before I can turn around though his fingers touch the base of my neck and I shiver involuntarily. I feel how he traces the ink tentatively, as if it's a writing in the sand and he's afraid or erasing it.

''Four?'' his voice is disbelieving, questioning and I feel nervous for some reason.

_Tobias_

I trace the number on her neck one more time before she steps away. Her hand comes up to cover the tattoo and she turns around to face me. Our eyes lock and I see hesitation in hers. I frown, immediately guarded. She looks away.

''I didn't want to let you go. I wanted a reminder that I'm yours. That I'll always be connected to you, no matter what.'' She shrugs. Her hand is rubbing her neck as if she's nervous. She looks up at me again and a shy half-smile grazes her lips. ''Actually…''

I'm confused for half a second when she turns around and lifts her shirt slightly. It turns into disbelief when I notice the words, inked at the small of her back. I grip her waist, staring at the black marking, reading it over and over.

''Be brave.'' I breath out and in the same moment, I feel how she takes in a shaky breath.

''It reminds me of you. You've said it to me so many times…every time I repeat it in my mind it's like you are next to me, saying it to me again. It was one of the few things that kept me going sometimes.''

I don't know what to say so I just pull her closer. My head buries in her short hair and I feel overwhelmed by emotions all of a sudden. It's all I can do not to break down. Instead, I turn her in my arms and slowly pull the collar of my T-shirt away. Her eyes widen when she sees the left side of my chest. There, where she has the three ravens, I have only one thing. A number. **6**.

''I'm always yours too.'' I say simply but it's enough to make her happy and I can't ask for anything more.

Her smile darkens quickly as she touches the tattoo and I feel my heart hammering in my ears. What is she thinking?

''Now that I'm back it's a matter of time until David comes here. I don't know what he'll do and I…I'm afraid that he'll hurt you too.''

I know how much it takes for her to admit her fears to me. But I'm glad. That way I can help her get over them. I know that she thinks that letting her fears be known is some sort of a weakness but for me, it's a way to know that she trusts me completely.

''He can't hurt me more than I've been hurt already. And I'll die before I see you harmed again.'' I vow and her small hands fist the front of my shirt.

''That's what I'm afraid of Tobias. I don't want anything to happen to you. Or to any of our friends. I've lost too much people already. I can't lose more…'' her voice is quiet and I pull her towards my chest again.

''You're right. We've lost too much and now it's time to show David that he can't toy with us. That he can't control us.''

''We need to make a plan. We need to think this over and talk it out with the rest.'' She nods and I can feel her body relax against mine.

''We will.'' I murmur in her hair. ''But tomorrow. Right now, I want nothing more than to go to bed, knowing that you're going to be there with me.''

Her laugh is music to my ears. It calms me down immediately, makes me lighter.

''I love you Tobias.''

It seems that it's been forever since I've heard these words from her mouth and yet, it's something I've always known. It's as easy as breathing to tell them back. It's probably how it's supposed to be with the ones you love, you always feel them close to you. Simply because as long as you hold them in your heart, they aren't really gone.

I thought that I was healed before. But I haven't realized that I was like a broken glass that was stitched together. I was fine, but I could have never been as good as before if it wasn't just the right person not just to heal me but to put me back together.

_**The End**_

**I know it's late but it's here now so I hope you enjoyed it. I want to thank you guys for all the patience and support you showed during these dark for me times. If it wasn't for you, the story wouldn't have went this far. **

**Fingers crossed that I'll see you next time when I post! Love you! 4**


End file.
